Self-Compassion from a Biblical Perspective

A Path to Emotional Healing and Nervous System Balance

Have you ever noticed how easily we can be kind and understanding towards others, but struggle to offer the same grace and kindness to ourselves?

Self-compassion is not selfish!

If you think it is, please tell me how you can heap criticism and condemnation on yourself and expect to love others well?

And more than that, if we believe the scriptures that say “for God so loved the world,” then how is it that I am better than God to condemn myself when the God of the universe does not condemn me?

And yet, sadly, sometimes in the church, there is an underlying thought process that is falsely portrayed that somehow it is holy to live in self-condemnation, along with shame and guilt being used as a form of manipulation.

I know this to be true because I lived it early on in my Christian walk.

Leviticus 19:18:

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

This verse is a foundational truth for our Christian faith, and the phrase “as yourself” is crucial here. It implies that we need to have a foundation of self-love and self-acceptance before we can truly love others.

In other words, if we don’t have self-worth, self-compassion, and self-love, it’s challenging to genuinely love our neighbors. We might try to love others through obligation, duty, or even a sense of superiority, but it won’t be a genuine, heartfelt love.

Loving ourselves doesn’t mean we’re being self-centered; it means we’re acknowledging our own worth, imperfections, and limitations. It’s truly seeing ourselves as God sees us, redeemed, beloved, accepted, and chosen. When we love ourselves, we’re better equipped to love others without judgment, conditions, or expectations.

In fact, Jesus reiterated this concept of self-compassion in the New Testament, saying, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31), implying that self-love is a prerequisite for loving others.

4 keys to understand when it comes to the topic of self compassion from a Biblical perspective:

1. Self-compassion is not self-pity: It’s about acknowledging our shared human experiences, imperfections, and struggles, whereas self-pity is about dwelling on our own problems without taking responsibility or action.
2. Self-compassion is not about self-indulgence: This is not an excuse to indulge in harmful behaviors or avoid responsibilities. Rather, it’s about treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, even when we make mistakes or face challenges.
3. Self-compassion improves relationships: When we practice self-compassion, we become more grounded, resilient, and better equipped to navigate conflicts and challenges in our relationships. This leads to more authentic, healthy, and meaningful connections with others.
4. Self-compassion is a courageous act: It takes courage to acknowledge our vulnerabilities, imperfections, and difficulties. When we are kind and grace-filled towards ourselves, we demonstrate bravery and a willingness to confront our challenges head-on.

Self-compassion is essential for mental health and regulating your nervous system

Practicing self-compassion has been linked to lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress, as well as improved overall well-being.

Here are some examples of how a lack of self-compassion shows up and negatively affects your nervous system:

Perfectionism

This one is tricky because sometimes it is hard to differentiate between perfectionism and doing things with excellence.

The difference between the two is this:

1. Excellence is driven by internal motivation and a desire to improve, whereas perfectionism is often driven by external pressures and fear of failure.
2. Excellence allows for mistakes and regards them as part of the learning process. Perfectionism, on the other hand, views mistakes as unacceptable and a sign of personal failure.
3. Excellence promotes self-compassion and confidence, whereas perfectionism can lead to anxiety, self-criticism, and burnout.

Shame and Blame

When you make mistakes and you allow yourself to go into a shame cycle, it only perpetuates the negativity towards yourself.

The best way to overcome shame is through self-compassion.

Unrealistic Expectations

This is really the underlying cause of stress in so many ways. If you set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you will struggle to practice self-compassion.

Each one of these leads to triggering the brain’s threat system, which is part of the limbic system. This system prepares the body for a “fight-or-flight” response by releasing stress hormones, such as cortisol, and activating the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in physiological changes like increased heart rate and blood pressure.

Practicing Self-compassion

One of the most important things you can do to start practicing self-compassion is to listen to how you speak to yourself.

What does your internal dialogue sound like?

Are you speaking kindly to yourself or harshly and critically?

Begin by speaking kindly to yourself.

The fastest way to self-compassion is to find someone to guide you in your journey.