How to avoid getting derailed by the unexpected

When we received the news, I was devastated. In my mind, I thought we had at least a couple of months with her. But as each day passed, she became progressively worse. At times, I could hardly keep up. I literally dropped everything to be with her. My obligations at church, my businesses…. everything! 

I have no regrets. I will be forever grateful that I was able to give her the care that she needed, and I will always cherish those last days I spent with her. I am still grieving her loss, and at times, it still doesn’t feel like it is real that she is gone. 

But, as I pondered that time and all that happened, I have a few takeaways that I wanted to share with my blog readers. To say that time was stressful was an understatement, and yet I don’t feel like I lost my peace in the midst of that storm.

Here are five key takeaways that helped me keep my peace during that time:

1) Ask for help

I have three adult sons still living at home. So I asked for a lot of help from them and my husband. I had them help more with cooking and cleaning than they normally do. I had them run errands for me. I also reached out to extended family members who wanted to help. Whenever I needed something that I could not do because I was focused on caring for my mom, I asked for help. And in this situation, everyone was more than willing to step up and give me the help I needed.  

2) Make lists of what needs to be done.

I made lists for my family so they knew what needed to be done. I didn’t have to repeat myself, and it helped me remember things. As soon as I thought of something, I jotted it down in a notebook that I kept handy at all times. 

I also wrote down instructions for anyone who came to help take care of my mom, so they knew what was expected of them.

3) Don’t expect perfection

I like a neat, orderly home. But in this case, I was not at a place where that mattered. If someone didn’t do something the way I would, I let it go. It made for a lot less stress for me and those around me. 

4) Have weekly routines and systems in place

This is probably what saved me the most. I already have systems and routines in place that keep our household running smoothly (for the most part). It is how I’ve lived for many years, but when an unexpected crisis arises, it proves once again how valuable they are. I have a set time at the beginning of the week to plan for the upcoming week:

Menu plan.

Make a schedule for each day of the week.

Make a grocery list for the weekly grocery shopping trip.

Pay bills, etc.

Because I have a set time for all of this and have done it for so long, it is a habit now and comes naturally to me. This helps me think more clearly and ensure I am not missing anything that needs to be done.

5) Trust in God’s provision:

I don’t know if I thought much about this in those 12 days as I was caring for my mom, but as I reflect, I realize how evident God’s provision was in so many ways. People who stopped by to drop off food and family members who checked in to see if I needed anything. Many who prayed for our family during that time, and Hospice came on the holiday weekend to admit her to their services. Many other things, more than I can even count. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God in every detail of our lives, the tangible evidence that He cares so much for us that He provides for us even down to the tiniest detail. 

This has been a very difficult season of my life, and I know that grief will take its own journey in my heart as I grieve her loss.

I hope my story encourages you to set up systems and routines in your daily life so that when the unexpected happens, you have a support system in place to help you stay focused on what’s most important.